prologue

I'm working on another fiction piece and think I've completed the prologue. I don't have the plot completely figured out but it's going to be a first-person story about a girl and how seemingly random events all come together to tell her story. I can't think of a better way to celebrate finally working on my writing than by showcasing it on my blog :-)

Prologue

Life is like a puzzle. With each moment we experience, we gain another piece that will ultimately fit somewhere, somehow. It’s just figuring out where the piece goes that can be tricky or if you know where a piece fits but don’t have it. Isn’t that the most annoying feeling ever? Knowing something is missing but not knowing where to find it? Ugh. Maybe I’m not making much sense. I tend to ramble and have this great logic in my head yet when I say it out loud, others can’t connect the dots. I’m trying to work on that. Anyway, life is sort of like a puzzle. I’ve had lots of pieces come into play lately and it all began with a text…

book review: "pure scum" by mike sares

“Pure Scum” is about the birth of the church “Scum of the Earth” written by pastor and founder Mike Sares. He talks about how the church is “…a place where everyone is welcome, a place that we like to call “the church for the left-out and the right-brained.” The name of the church is found in 1 Corinthians 4:13: “Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.” He talks about the struggles he’s faced, both personally and as the pastor of the church – decisions he’s had to make that weren’t popular.

I feel like the whole book can be summed up with this quote by Sares: “Could it be that one of the avenues to deeper relationship with Jesus is taking the risks that Jesus asks you to take - following Him where He bids you to follow?” For Sares this meant moving to a new place, starting a church, naming that church Scum of the Earth and countless other decisions where he must’ve wondered if he’d heard God correctly.

I love Sares’ honesty. He doesn’t hide the fact that he’s not perfect. He talks about the struggles he’s faced in his marriage, how he feels like he’s not the best father or pastor at times. He shares his doubts. I think it’s the fact he’s so real that I liked the book so much. He comments, “the times I have been closest to God are times when I have been literally knocked to my knees.” He’s fully aware that he’s only a vessel and God is the One speaking through him. “When pain roars into our lives, God does not call us to be stoic. He does not expect us to keep stiff upper lips. God expects us to let our true feelings out because he can handle our honest emotions. Jesus was forsaken of God so that we don’t have to be. He was cut off from God so that we don’t have to be. Jesus said after his resurrection, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” He will never leave us. Never.”

forward

Death has a way of bringing things into focus. To me it seems odd that something so unpleasant (for lack of a better word) can have such a profound impact - or maybe that's just me. I'm finding that trivial things no longer matter - I wish I could spend every second of every day working on goals and dreams I have (if only I could do without sleep). I want to make a difference and carry on the legacy of my uncle - I don't want his 59 years on this earth to be forgotten. I feel this drive to do so many things while at the same time don't want to be too busy to the point of failing to enjoy life. Life is short and we need to savor the simple things as well as the major. I need to avoid the trap of "I'll be happy when..." and choose to be happy now. I feel like I'm in a haze - though my body is here I feel like I'm really not. It's a rather annoying feeling. I want to press closer to God yet it seems He's at arms length. I'm struggling with the questions we all wonder at times: how could God let this happen? doesn't He care? Why did my uncle die alone? why couldn't his wife and daughter been able to say goodbye or "I love you"? People throw around Christian lingo in an attempt to comfort but do they have any idea what they're talking about? *sigh* Saying all of this, I'm determined to move forward. God can bring good out of the situation and I have to trust - there's nothing else I can do.

never

"When pain roars into our lives, God does not call us to be stoic. He does not expect us to keep stiff upper lips. God expects us to let our true feelings out because He can handle our honest emotions. Jesus was forsaken of God so that we don't have to be. He was cut off from God so that we don't have to be. Jesus said after His resurrection, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." He will never leave us. Never." - Mike Sares

story

Story is important in our lives because if we don't remember those who have influenced us, who will? I recently had an uncle pass away and I'm still processing the fact he's no longer here. At the funeral, the floor was opened up to anyone who wanted to share a memory of him. He was a children's pastor for over ten years and several people shared stories of being in children's church during that time. They shared how they finally understood God loved them because of my uncle or they accepted Christ - I didn't realize the huge impact he made on their lives. Because of him, they now are impacting other children - be it their own or through serving in children's ministry themselves. Something he started is still being carried on today. Without story, we fail to remember. We forget why we made certain decisions or chose specific paths in our lives because the memory that sparked the decision is now foggy. Story is important because if we don't remember where we've been, we'll forget where we're going.

book review: "different eyes: the art of living beautifully" by steve chalke

“Different Eyes” is about the need to understand who God is in order for us to live our lives for Him. One of the points he brings up is that when God appeared to Moses in the desert, He referred to Himself as “I Am” or “Yahweh.” This is important because different cultures had their own gods they worshipped so God needed to make it clear that He was not like those gods. It’s through Israel’s journey with Yahweh that they begin to discover who He is. “The point is this: while the names and metaphors Israel will come to use for their God may not be unique, the character of their God was matchless…with Yahweh, holiness is not about an otherness that is removed and isolated from this world, but exactly the opposite; he is involved with his people and on their side. It is this that sets Yahweh apart from other gods.” The other main point revolves around Jesus and how He dealt with people. “He provocatively pushes His audience beyond their rules to the underlying principles behind them; He is asking that they let go of legalism and live radically…as Jesus was quick to explain to his audience, rather than planning to do away with or replace the Law, his goal was simple: to give it its full meaning – and this he would do, not just by unpacking and explaining it but by reframing it.” Chalke equates it to the difference between playing a piece of music exactly as written versus improvising. The point being that not every situation has the lines of right and wrong clearly defined – we have to be willing to be open-minded instead of attempting to automatically cast judgment. It’s when we have that close relationship with God that we’re able to distinguish right from wrong and understand His will.

gone

They hide behind their fake smiles
Every hair in place. sporting a suit and tie.
Their words seem sincere but are empty.
As though any raw emotion is to be avoided.

I feel like a casual observer,
My eyes dry as I hear the sniffles around me.
The reality has not set in;
He’s really gone and not coming back.

I want to take the pain away.
I want to make it all better.
I see the way his wife struggles to be strong.
Left behind to carry on.

While some are superficial, others are genuine.
The love is evident in their embrace.
When they utter “let me know if you need anything,”
I know they mean it.

I’m struggling to understand all of this.
I feel as though I’m in a fog,
Nothing quite seems real.
It’s as though I’m going through the motions.

Why are we afraid of being real?
Why must we constantly paste on a smile?