me

Here's another not-about-me piece that again, just kinda came to me. In our middle school house group this weekend we talked about acceptance so I'm thinking this is a belated train of thought from that.

Me

I stare at my reflection

unsure if the person looking back is really me.

Locks of hair litter the floor;

the scissors laying beside me.

I heard you prefer girls with short hair

so I cut mine.

My hair is damp from rinsing it.

The smell of chemicals still lingering.

I heard you prefer blondes

so I exchanged my chestnut brown for a sandy yellow.

My glasses are now sitting in the trash can,

snapped in half for good measure.

I heard you prefer girls without them

so now I'm wearing contacts.

I've done all of this -

traded who I was for who I thought you wanted.

Yet will you notice me?

Will these changes make me stand out

or simply blend in?

everything

This isn't based on a current situation I'm going through (no need to try to read between the lines) - the words just came to me today and I jotted them down. Maybe someone else reading this will identify...

You feel so far away
As I lay here – broken and bleeding.
I call out to You; my throat is raw from the tears I’ve cried.
My voice is nothing more than a whisper.
You can’t hear me; can’t see me as I’m falling apart.

So where are You?
What about Your promise to never leave me?
But then I see You.
I’m so weak – I don’t have the strength to stand much less walk.

You’re there but I can’t reach You.
“Don’t go!” my mind screams.
I close my eyes, welcoming the darkness.

And then I feel it.
A touch as light as a butterfly’s – peace seeps through me.
Opening my eyes, You’re there, holding me in Your arms,
Protecting me from…everything.

prologue

I'm working on another fiction piece and think I've completed the prologue. I don't have the plot completely figured out but it's going to be a first-person story about a girl and how seemingly random events all come together to tell her story. I can't think of a better way to celebrate finally working on my writing than by showcasing it on my blog :-)

Prologue

Life is like a puzzle. With each moment we experience, we gain another piece that will ultimately fit somewhere, somehow. It’s just figuring out where the piece goes that can be tricky or if you know where a piece fits but don’t have it. Isn’t that the most annoying feeling ever? Knowing something is missing but not knowing where to find it? Ugh. Maybe I’m not making much sense. I tend to ramble and have this great logic in my head yet when I say it out loud, others can’t connect the dots. I’m trying to work on that. Anyway, life is sort of like a puzzle. I’ve had lots of pieces come into play lately and it all began with a text…

book review: "pure scum" by mike sares

“Pure Scum” is about the birth of the church “Scum of the Earth” written by pastor and founder Mike Sares. He talks about how the church is “…a place where everyone is welcome, a place that we like to call “the church for the left-out and the right-brained.” The name of the church is found in 1 Corinthians 4:13: “Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.” He talks about the struggles he’s faced, both personally and as the pastor of the church – decisions he’s had to make that weren’t popular.

I feel like the whole book can be summed up with this quote by Sares: “Could it be that one of the avenues to deeper relationship with Jesus is taking the risks that Jesus asks you to take - following Him where He bids you to follow?” For Sares this meant moving to a new place, starting a church, naming that church Scum of the Earth and countless other decisions where he must’ve wondered if he’d heard God correctly.

I love Sares’ honesty. He doesn’t hide the fact that he’s not perfect. He talks about the struggles he’s faced in his marriage, how he feels like he’s not the best father or pastor at times. He shares his doubts. I think it’s the fact he’s so real that I liked the book so much. He comments, “the times I have been closest to God are times when I have been literally knocked to my knees.” He’s fully aware that he’s only a vessel and God is the One speaking through him. “When pain roars into our lives, God does not call us to be stoic. He does not expect us to keep stiff upper lips. God expects us to let our true feelings out because he can handle our honest emotions. Jesus was forsaken of God so that we don’t have to be. He was cut off from God so that we don’t have to be. Jesus said after his resurrection, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” He will never leave us. Never.”

forward

Death has a way of bringing things into focus. To me it seems odd that something so unpleasant (for lack of a better word) can have such a profound impact - or maybe that's just me. I'm finding that trivial things no longer matter - I wish I could spend every second of every day working on goals and dreams I have (if only I could do without sleep). I want to make a difference and carry on the legacy of my uncle - I don't want his 59 years on this earth to be forgotten. I feel this drive to do so many things while at the same time don't want to be too busy to the point of failing to enjoy life. Life is short and we need to savor the simple things as well as the major. I need to avoid the trap of "I'll be happy when..." and choose to be happy now. I feel like I'm in a haze - though my body is here I feel like I'm really not. It's a rather annoying feeling. I want to press closer to God yet it seems He's at arms length. I'm struggling with the questions we all wonder at times: how could God let this happen? doesn't He care? Why did my uncle die alone? why couldn't his wife and daughter been able to say goodbye or "I love you"? People throw around Christian lingo in an attempt to comfort but do they have any idea what they're talking about? *sigh* Saying all of this, I'm determined to move forward. God can bring good out of the situation and I have to trust - there's nothing else I can do.

never

"When pain roars into our lives, God does not call us to be stoic. He does not expect us to keep stiff upper lips. God expects us to let our true feelings out because He can handle our honest emotions. Jesus was forsaken of God so that we don't have to be. He was cut off from God so that we don't have to be. Jesus said after His resurrection, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." He will never leave us. Never." - Mike Sares

story

Story is important in our lives because if we don't remember those who have influenced us, who will? I recently had an uncle pass away and I'm still processing the fact he's no longer here. At the funeral, the floor was opened up to anyone who wanted to share a memory of him. He was a children's pastor for over ten years and several people shared stories of being in children's church during that time. They shared how they finally understood God loved them because of my uncle or they accepted Christ - I didn't realize the huge impact he made on their lives. Because of him, they now are impacting other children - be it their own or through serving in children's ministry themselves. Something he started is still being carried on today. Without story, we fail to remember. We forget why we made certain decisions or chose specific paths in our lives because the memory that sparked the decision is now foggy. Story is important because if we don't remember where we've been, we'll forget where we're going.