forward

Death has a way of bringing things into focus. To me it seems odd that something so unpleasant (for lack of a better word) can have such a profound impact - or maybe that's just me. I'm finding that trivial things no longer matter - I wish I could spend every second of every day working on goals and dreams I have (if only I could do without sleep). I want to make a difference and carry on the legacy of my uncle - I don't want his 59 years on this earth to be forgotten. I feel this drive to do so many things while at the same time don't want to be too busy to the point of failing to enjoy life. Life is short and we need to savor the simple things as well as the major. I need to avoid the trap of "I'll be happy when..." and choose to be happy now. I feel like I'm in a haze - though my body is here I feel like I'm really not. It's a rather annoying feeling. I want to press closer to God yet it seems He's at arms length. I'm struggling with the questions we all wonder at times: how could God let this happen? doesn't He care? Why did my uncle die alone? why couldn't his wife and daughter been able to say goodbye or "I love you"? People throw around Christian lingo in an attempt to comfort but do they have any idea what they're talking about? *sigh* Saying all of this, I'm determined to move forward. God can bring good out of the situation and I have to trust - there's nothing else I can do.